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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24538093">Dum Spiro Spero (While I Breathe, I Hope)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabriel_mc/pseuds/archange_noir'>archange_noir (gabriel_mc)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ghost (Sweden Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Anxiety Disorder, Crying, DBT, Dead People, Depression, Drowning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, FTM, FTM Papa Emeritus III, Fluff, Group Therapy, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Religion, Swearing, Therapy, Transgender, trans!Papa Emeritus III, young!Papa Emeritus III</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:41:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,021</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24538093</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabriel_mc/pseuds/archange_noir</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>17-year-old Terzo Emeritus is starting a new year at a therapeutic boarding school in the United States after being diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder. As he adjusts, he gets to know another student...</p><p>[CURRENTLY PAUSED ON WRITING]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Papa Emeritus III &amp; Original Character(s), Papa Emeritus III/Original Character(s), Papa Emeritus III/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Independence Like A Crown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey there! This is my first attempt at a Ghost fanfic, and only my third attempt at fanfic in general. I hope to update this more, even if not on a regular basis. I'm half making it up as I go and half following a rough outline, so chaos may or may not ensue. I hope you enjoy!</p><p>PS - Because the characters are minors, there will not be any sort of heavy smut!! No thank you!! It's rated teen and up because of some heavy topics that come up later. I'll put warnings when they do!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Terzo leaned against the railing on the deck, absentmindedly pushing a small rock around with his foot. The sun beat down hard on his face, hurting his eyes and burning his forehead. He adjusted his binder through his shirt and felt it was damp with sweat. He’d never known autumn to be this hot before he came to the States. </p><p>He’d stopped paying attention to the role call a while ago, and was now fully invested in the journey of the rock between his feet. He batted it back and forth with the toes of his shoes, staring intently as it bounced over the ridges in the wood deck and listened carefully for the clicks it made on the nails. It was round on one side but sharp on the other; there was a fascinating groove down the middle in an S shape; how nature managed to craft such an odd object he’d never—  </p><p>“Terzo Emeritus?”</p><p>“Here.”</p><p>The sound of his own voice broke him from the hypnosis of the rock. He looked up for a moment. The students stood in a circle, chattering quietly among themselves and calling their own “Here!” when they heard their names. Most were smiling, some seemed neutral, and a few wore grimaces. Terzo’s eyes fell on a short, blond girl across the circle, who glared back at him with such poison in her eyes that he couldn’t help but shiver despite the heat. He looked away. </p><p>He noticed someone else looking at him, a few spaces down. A tall boy had Terzo fixed in his intense stare; not smiling, but not frowning either. Terzo stared back, tilting his head. The boy grinned for a second before shaking his head and turning away.</p><p>A blunt ache crept into Terzo’s head, and he felt his throat tighten. Worry thoughts swum around in his mind: Was the boy laughing at him? Mocking him? Did he see Terzo adjust his binder? Was it the black clothes on a hot day?</p><p>His head started spinning and he gripped the railing to keep his balance. It was only his first day at the Wyatt School and he was already panicking; he’d promised Papa Nihil he’d be fine; he’d promised his brothers he’d take care of himself… A panic attack was the last thing he needed now…   </p><p>“Hey, Terzo. C’mon buddy,” called the teacher, lining up the students. Terzo snapped out of his panicked focus and ran to the line to the sound of the other students mumbling and laughing among themselves. </p><p>—</p><p>“And… Voilà! Your dorm, Terzo.”</p><p>Terzo stepped through the door and into the room. He walked around the small space, gravitating to the left side of the room, running his hands over the mattress, desk, walls, vents—he touched everything he could. He glanced over the walls, taking in the way the eggshell blue faded in certain patches from the sunlight; the way the white trim peeled next to the vents; the way the curtains silently swayed in front of the open window. Patting the mattress, he took a deep breath. This was going to be his home. </p><p>“Everything alright, buddy? Gonna be okay?” </p><p>Terzo swiveled back to the teacher who had led him to his dorm. He’d forgotten he was there. “Yeah. Thanks, Mr. Nowell.”</p><p>Mr. Nowell smiled. “Any questions?”</p><p>Terzo paused for a moment, considering. “When will my roommate get here?”</p><p>“Oh, sometime in the next”—Mr. Nowell checked his watch—"20 minutes. He’s a really sweet guy, I think you’ll get along very well.” </p><p>Terzo nodded and looked back out the window, seeing if anyone was walking towards the building. “Thanks, Mr. Nowell, I think that’s all.”</p><p>“Alright, Terzo, see you around!”</p><p>As soon as Mr. Nowell disappeared from the door frame, Terzo lifted his bags onto his bed and started to unpack. As he put clothes into drawers and supplies onto his desk, he found himself holding back tears. For a moment, he took a pause and stared at the things on the bed. His breathing hitched, and he collapsed to his knees on the ground. He let the sobs come freely.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yeah, I know, weird semi-cliffhanger. Don't worry, it gets better.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. It's Fine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Terzo has calmed down by the time his roommate arrives, and the two of them bond over unpacking luggage.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wrote this in one go at 3 AM because sleep is a government conspiracy (/s). I'm not great with chapter titles. Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Laughter and the sounds of enthusiastic conversation rang down the corridor. Quickly, Terzo slammed his book shut and jumped up off the bed, scrambling to find his shirt. He smoothed it out over his chest just before they arrived in the doorway. </p><p>“Welcome to your room, Will—Ah! Terzo, you’re still here.”</p><p>“Hi again, Mr. Nowell.” Terzo smiled, pushed back a stray lock of hair with one hand, and did a small wave with the other. He looked to the right of the teacher, and his eyes widened. </p><p>“Terzo, this is your roommate, William. You probably saw each other at orientation.” </p><p>The tall boy from before grinned and stuck out his hand. “Hey, what’s good?”</p><p>Terzo’s hand moved on its own to shake William’s, and he heard himself give a simple “Hey.” Mentally, he had frozen. Mr. Nowell was saying something about William, laughing, patting the two of them on the back; now Terzo was laughing, too, but all he heard was static. </p><p>He blinked, suddenly out of his panic. </p><p>“I’ll let you guys get settled in. Dinner is at 7:30, so you can feel free to either stay here or walk around, maybe meet some other students,” Mr. Nowell said, glancing out the window over Terzo’s shoulder. “It’s wicked hot out, so I’ll be in my office—air conditioned. Stop by if you need anything.” </p><p>Terzo and William said their thanks, and Mr. Nowell left. Static immediately tried to fill Terzo’s ears again, but he blinked and tried to mentally push it down. </p><p>“God, Nowell was right. It’s fucking boiling out there,” laughed William. He dragged some of his bags over to the empty bed on the right.</p><p>“Yeah, really,” said Terzo, moving to help with the bags. </p><p>William waved dismissively at him with a hand and muttered “Nah, I got it, thanks.” The static in Terzo’s ears grew and he felt his face flush. Thinking that it might be a little rude to pick the book up again, he sat back down on his own bed and watched William. </p><p>After a few seconds, Terzo broke the silence. “So… Where are you from?” he asked, trying to sound as casual as possible while internally fighting the static. </p><p>William let out a small grunt as he lifted a larger piece of the luggage onto his bed. Terzo couldn’t help but giggle. “…And are you sure you don’t need help with that?”</p><p>“Heh, sure. If you could just open the square one on the floor, that’d be great,” said William, gesturing to a hard suitcase in the corner of the room. “You can just pile all that shit on my desk for now; I’ll sort through them later.”</p><p>Terzo knelt and got to work on the suitcase as William continued. “As for where I’m from… I mean, technically I’m ‘from’ small town Ohio”—he made exaggerated quotation marks with his fingers—”but as of a few months ago, I’m not really… I don’t really have a place, y’know?” He drew out the word “place” like it hurt to get out of his mouth. </p><p>“Huh,” was all the response Terzo could manage. His eyes flicked back and forth between the books and cassettes that were accumulating on the desk and William, who was shoving shirts into drawers with a painful lack of attention to neatness. He didn’t really know what William meant by not having a “place,” but he wasn’t about to look stupid in front of his new roommate, so he kept his confusion to himself. </p><p>A moment of silence passed between the two of them. Terzo was fascinated by William’s choices in books; it seemed he was a fan of fantasy literature for the most part, with one or two YA novels thrown in. He didn’t want to seem intruding, so Terzo tried to stack the books as quickly as possible while still scanning the titles. Then he paused. </p><p>He stared at the cover of the book in his hands, mental static threatening. <i>LGBTQ+ Words, Terms, and Useful Knowledge.</i> After glancing up to make sure William wasn’t looking, Terzo flipped open to a random page in the middle.</p><p><i>Neutrois</i>, read the title of the entry. Terzo nodded a little; he knew the word. He flipped to another page, further in the front. <i>Bisexual.</i> Terzo smiled; no matter how many times he saw the word, its way of defining his experience made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. Then, he noticed a bookmark. He flipped to that page: <i>Genderqueer.</i> He unconsciously let out a small hum of surprise. There were highlighter marks on some of the lines, and a sticky note with bullet points of some key phrases. </p><p>“Oh, right…” said William. Terzo’s head snapped back up. William was looking at him. Terzo blushed and closed the book. </p><p>“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to—I was just—” </p><p> “No, no, it’s fine! I just meant to ask you about something.”</p><p>Terzo felt his face grow even hotter. He glanced down to see if his binder was showing, but it wasn’t. He looked over at his bed, but there was nothing there that would indicate he was trans. Looking back to William, he took a deep breath. “Sure, what’s up?”</p><p>William sighed and bit his lip. “I’m sorry in advance if this makes things weird, but I want to know if you’re comfortable having a gay roommate. Because I’m gay.” </p><p>The two boys simply stared at each other. Terzo’s mouth hung slightly open in shock. He wasn’t shocked that William was gay—he hadn’t known the other boy long enough to form an assumption about his sexuality—but the question threw him off guard. </p><p>“I mean, I can ask for a different room if you’re not. Not comfortable, I mean. I didn’t mean gay. Not gay. Shit, I can’t talk,” William blurted, laughing nervously. Terzo shook his head quickly. </p><p>“What? No, it’s fine! I just didn’t expect the question. I was just… curious about the book, that’s all. I hadn’t seen it before.” The growing mental static stopped suddenly, and he was able to think. He looked directly into William’s eyes and smiled. “Yeah, it’s okay. There’s no problem.” </p><p>William sighed and smiled back. “Thanks, man.”</p><p>“Please don’t thank me for doing what literally any decent person would do,” laughed Terzo.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*vine voice* ...oh my God they were roommates... </p><p>Tune in next time for more about William, deeper conversations and exploring campus!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Your Whole Self</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>William and Terzo explore the Wyatt School campus before dinner while trading stories. They learn more about each other and why they’re at Wyatt.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Fluff time! Enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Woah, easy there,” laughed William, stretching a hand out as Terzo wobbled on the log. It was slippery with lichen, and Terzo was dizzy in the hot weather. </p><p>Terzo grabbed William’s arm to steady himself before continuing his slow balancing walk on the log. The boys weren’t in a forest, per se, but there were plenty of trees to provide shade, and a small brook bubbling past. Long ago, someone had built stone benches in a semicircle around a fire pit; now, the benches were covered in moss and stained by decades of rainwater. They had followed a dirt path to the grove, and decided it was the perfect area to relax before dinner. </p><p>William brushed some dirt off of a bench and sat down with a huff. “To answer your question, though, what I meant earlier was that I was kicked out. My parents were really fucking angry when I came out, and I guess they just… didn’t want me anymore.” He raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms. “I don’t know. It’s weird. Who knew one night could give you a whole-ass yearlong mental illness?” He sighed. “That’s why I’m here,” he said. He looked up at Terzo, who was standing stock still on the log, looking at William with big eyes. </p><p>William laughed. “You look like a fucking meerkat. I’m okay, Terzo. I’ll be fine.”</p><p>Terzo frowned and looked down at the brook. There were so many feelings swirling in his head, spreading to his gut. It made him queasy with emotion. “That’s awful; that… that makes me so angry, I don’t even know where to begin.” He smoothed his hair back, trying to calm himself and hold back the tears that threatened to fall. </p><p>“I mean, what can you do?” William said with a shrug. Terzo tilted his head, looking back at him. He seemed so weirdly nonchalant about losing his home. Given he was at Wyatt, though, Terzo guessed he was probably feeling a lot more than he let on. </p><p>“But,” said William, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, “I’m curious about you. You’re not like anyone I’ve met. What’s your story? Why are you here?” He giggled. “I sound like a prison cellmate, don’t I? But really, tell me about yourself.” </p><p>Terzo breathed in. <i>Not like anyone I’ve met.</i> He wondered what that was supposed to mean. </p><p>“Well, according to various sources, I have anxiety.”</p><p>William giggled again. Terzo frowned at him. </p><p>“Oh! I’m not laughing at you. It was just funny, the way you put it.” William smiled. “ ‘Various sources.’ I like it. Sounds like breaking news or some shit.”</p><p>Terzo smiled back. “Yeah, you’re right.” He looked at the log, and then up to the sky. The leaves above were red, yellow, and green, and the way they filtered the light reminded him of the stained glass back at the Ministry. Again, he held back tears. He was so lucky to have a beautiful home and accepting family, even despite their quirks. “So… Why am I here?” </p><p>Jumping off the log, Terzo made his way to another bench and cleared it off before sitting down. “Like I said, anxiety. I was only diagnosed, like, a few months ago, but my older brother immediately suggested I leave the…” He racked his brain for synonyms of “ministry.” “The, ah, school I was at before.” He glanced at William, who gave no indication he suspected anything was off. </p><p>Then came the hard explanation. Rather, it wasn’t hard, but it was more personal. This was as good a moment as any, Terzo decided. He continued. “I also had come out as transgender in March—” </p><p>“Oh, shit, wait—”</p><p>Terzo looked at William, suddenly hearing the anxious static. “Yeah?”</p><p>William eyed Terzo with what looked like a mix of apprehension and concern. “Wait,” he said again, “You go by he/him pronouns, right? I just assumed, I’m sorry—”</p><p>“No, yeah, you got it,” smiled Terzo. “Yeah, I’m a guy.” </p><p>Letting out a small laugh and a breath of relief, William nodded. “Okay, right. Just making sure. Please.” He gestured at Terzo. “Continue.” </p><p>“So I’d come out as trans in March, and I got super lucky, because everyone was basically okay with it. My eldest brother, Primo, didn’t really get it at first, but it only took a short explanation, and then he was on board. My other brother… Well, Secondo doesn’t really express a lot of feelings—not verbally, at least—but he seemed chill. He actually got me a binder and a little pride flag!” Terzo’s speech had picked up, and he talked with more expression. “Then, my dad…” He slowed down. “He’s not convinced. He’s got a weird attitude towards change, I think, and he was happy with the daughter he had. So he thinks it’s a phase. That’s the only reason he agreed to send me here. He thought a change of scenery would change my mind.”</p><p>William had been nodding along intently the whole time, and Terzo offered a half-smile in return. It was the first time someone had simply listened to his story without butting in with advice or response. William just sat and took in what Terzo said, and it felt good. </p><p>William leaned back on the bench, stretching. He mumbled something about it being “too fucking humid,” and then looked at Terzo with full attention. “I’m glad your family has been supportive, for the most part. What a way to land in New Hampshire… Oh yeah, Nowell said you’re from another country or something. What’s that about?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m from Sweden.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s it! I was wondering about your accent!”</p><p>Terzo giggled. “No, my accent is Italian. My family had to move to Sweden because…” Terzo’s sentence trailed off. He didn’t feel quite ready to tell William <i>everything</i> about the Emeritus family just yet. “Because, ah, we had other family up there. But we still speak Italian around the house a lot.” He had to stifle another giggle; referring to the Ministry as “the house” never got old, no matter how many times he had to skirt around revealing the truth of his family. </p><p>“Of course!” William laughed, slapping a hand on his thigh. <i>“Terzo!</i> It sounds Italian.” He grinned and shrugged. “I mean, I know jack shit about Italian, but just the sound of it; the way the ‘z’ is pronounced like in ‘pizza.’ Did you choose it? Does it mean anything cool?” </p><p>Rolling his eyes and smiling, Terzo explained. “Yeah, it just means ‘third,’ since I’m the third child. I didn’t pick it, I just changed it from the feminine to the masculine form when I socially transitioned. It’s a difference of one letter.” </p><p>“Oh, okay. Gotcha.” William played with some moss next to him on the bench, not looking at Terzo. “Wow. I mean, like I said, you’re not like anyone I’ve met. You’re fascinating.” He smiled at the moss as Terzo’s cheeks flushed pink. “Not in a stalker way or anything; I just find myself genuinely interested by your whole…” He waved his hand and looked up to make eye contact with Terzo, whose face was now totally red. “Your whole self.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I Think He Likes You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>While settling in to go to sleep, Terzo reflects on his first day at the Wyatt School. Mr. Nowell checks in. After a nightmare, Terzo finds it hard to calm down.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*TW for transphobia.* Enjoy the bad Google translate Italian.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Terzo couldn’t imagine he’d ever felt this tired before, not even after the first ritual he attended, when he’d left with ringing in his ears and limbs that felt as heavy as lead. “You’re exhausted because you care enough to put effort into it,” Secondo had said. Thinking back on it, Terzo smiled to himself. Despite the anxious moments, he considered his first day at the Wyatt School a success. He was exhausted because he cared. </p>
<p>He sighed as he came back into the dark dorm room. The curtains over the window glowed in moonlight, and he could hear crickets and frogs outside. Given the way the school was tucked into the New Hampshire mountains, Terzo guessed he shouldn’t have been so surprised that he could hear wildlife at night, but the sounds were so unusual to him that he froze for a moment, just to listen. Back at the Ministry, the only sounds at night were the echoes of footsteps on the stone floors of the hallways. Here, it seemed like night was when the world woke up. </p>
<p>“Hey, Terzo.” </p>
<p>Terzo whipped around. Mr. Nowell was in the doorway, backlit by the hall light. “Oh. Hey, Mr. Nowell. What’s up?”</p>
<p>“I’m just checking in to make sure all’s well here before I turn off the hall lights and go to bed myself. I don’t remember if I mentioned, but I’m the dorm parent for your building, so I’m here to take care of anything you might need. Everything okay?” Mr. Nowell smiled and leaned on the doorframe. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I was just listening to the crickets.”</p>
<p>Mr. Nowell silently chuckled. “Yes. They make such a beautiful sound, don’t they? And William? Is he in here?” He moved his head as if to look around Terzo.</p>
<p>“Yep, he’s just asleep.” Terzo glanced over at William’s bed, where he slept peacefully. “He basically passed out as soon as we got back here.”</p>
<p>“Good, good. I won’t keep you up any longer; I’m sure you’ve had a big day, and classes start tomorrow. Sleep well, Terzo.” With that, Mr. Nowell’s silhouette disappeared from the doorway. </p>
<p>Terzo sighed again and climbed into his bed. He messed with the bedding until he was only under a weighted blanket; it was much too hot for covers, but he wanted the comfort of the weight. He turned onto his side and quickly fell asleep.</p>
<p>— </p>
<p>
  <i>’Terza. You’re just not trying hard enough. I don’t understand what’s so difficult about this. Terza. You’re in danger of becoming a disappointment, darling. Why won’t you tell me anything? Terza. Listen to me. You need to focus. Terza. Don’t make me repeat myself. Don’t make me angry…’</i>
</p>
<p><i>’Little </i>imbrogliona;<i> little trickster, changing form like this. You are not a shapeshifter, darling. I’m sure Mother does understand, but I don’t care what your mother thinks. No, I don’t. You’ll always be </i>mia figlia.<i> You’ll always be my little girl…’</i></p>
<p><i>’Terza… You are going away? Perhaps the fresh American air will bring some sense into you. Terza, you cannot make friends if you wear these clothes, this hair. The other girls will not like you. No one will like you, Terza.’</i> </p>
<p>— </p>
<p>His heart was already pounding when he woke up. Terzo sat up in his bed immediately, throwing off the weighted blanket and grabbing the pillow behind him, just to have something to hold onto. Dizziness and anxious static rushed into his head; he wobbled for a moment before stilling himself by placing his hands on either side of himself on the bed. He had to breathe. He closed his eyes and breathed in—<i>one, two, three, four</i>—balled up the sheets under his hands—<i>two, two, three, four</i>—focused on keeping his head upright—<i>three, two, three, four</i>—and the pattern of his breathing—<i>four, two, three, four.</i> His heartbeat slowed and he opened his eyes. </p>
<p>Fully awake now, Terzo’s senses slowly came back to him, and he realized there was a tapping at the window. Frantic for a moment, he stared at the window, trying to pick out any shapes or silhouettes, until he realized it was just raining. He sighed with relief. </p>
<p>He glanced at the clock. 2:48 AM. He rubbed his eyes. There was no way he’d get back to sleep soon, so he picked up his book from the desk next to his bed and turned on his phone flashlight. After a few minutes, though, he realized he wasn’t actually reading any of the words. Giving up, he closed the book. </p>
<p>As he moved to put the book back on the table, light flashed from outside, and a crack of thunder burst in the air. Terzo yelped and dropped the book, which hit the ground with a loud thud. Shaking and breathing fast again, Terzo grabbed the weighted blanket and pulled it onto his lap. He squeezed his eyes shut as sobs shook through his chest. Finally, he let go and leaned over, silently crying into the blanket. </p>
<p>“What… Is it raining or some shit?”</p>
<p>Terzo looked up. William had propped himself up on an elbow and was looking out the window. He heard a small <i>Goddammit</i> and watched William get up and close the window. Some water had gotten on the windowsill and wall, which William cleaned up with a Kleenex. After a moment, William froze. He turned towards Terzo and squinted. </p>
<p>“Terzo, you awake? Oh shit,” he said, noticing the sobbing. </p>
<p>He slowly approached Terzo’s bed and stood in front of him for a moment, fiddling with the wet Kleenex in his hands. He took a deep breath and pointed to the space next to Terzo on the bed. “Can I sit?” </p>
<p>All Terzo could manage was a tight nod before he buried his face in the blanket again. </p>
<p>William tossed the Kleenex towards the trash can, missing it by an inch. He quietly laughed at himself and lowered himself onto the bed next to Terzo. The two sat in silence for a minute, Terzo crying and William staring out the window at the rain. Thunder rumbled, a little more peacefully, and the tapping on the window grew gentler. </p>
<p>“Y’alright?” William asked when Terzo’s sobbing slowed. Terzo snorted a laugh before his breathing hitched and another, smaller crying fit overtook him. William just nodded and looked out the window again. </p>
<p>When it seemed Terzo was calmer, William turned to him again. He tilted his head and considered the other boy. His eyes lit up and he smiled. “Oh, I know! Here,” he said, and got off the bed to rummage through the blankets on his own bed. With a small <i>Aha!</i> he triumphantly held up a banana-yellow plush animal and motioned to Terzo that he was going to toss it. </p>
<p>Terzo caught the plush, and a smile crept onto his face. He looked at it, and then up at William. “Who’s this?” he asked, his voice hoarse. </p>
<p>William laughed. “Man, you sound like a chainsmoker. That’s Bill the Alpaca. Feel free to cuddle him, he’s very nice. Doesn’t bite,” he said with a grin. He sat back down on Terzo’s bed. “You need to talk about anything? I mean, I know we, like,  just met, but…” He shrugged. “I’m here.” </p>
<p>Hugging the alpaca plush, Terzo sighed. He mustered some courage and made eye contact with William for a second before looking out the window. “Bad dream, woke up to thunder, y’know… anxiety attack…” </p>
<p>“Gotcha,” nodded William. He raised his eyebrows. “Hey, you want some light?” At Terzo’s hum, he got up. Instead of walking to the lightswitch, though, he reached over his bed and clicked something. The room lit up in pink, purple, and blue fairy lights around the ceiling. When he saw Terzo’s wide eyes and grin, William smiled back and returned to the bed. “Sorry. I promise I’ll sit still and listen now,” he laughed. </p>
<p>“Where did these come from?”</p>
<p>“I hung them up while you were in the bathroom, getting ready to go to bed. I just like them; they’re cozy.”</p>
<p>“I like them too,” Terzo said, starting to giggle. In seconds, his giggle took over, and he was shaking with laughter. </p>
<p>“What?” William was laughing too. </p>
<p>“The ceiling…” Terzo snorted and giggled even harder. “The ceiling is bisexual!”</p>
<p>The two boys erupted into laughter while trying to stay quiet to not wake the rest of the hall. It was exactly the kind of cathartic laughter that Terzo needed. When they both grew tired, they sat silently for a moment, until they met each other’s eyes. </p>
<p>Holding the eye contact, Terzo huffed nervously, anxious static threatening. He felt like he was supposed to say something; like there were words in his throat, but he didn’t even know what they were. His vision tunneled until all he could see was William’s face. </p>
<p>“Hey, careful,” said William, reaching out to steady Terzo, who hadn’t even noticed himself swaying. “Oh, I was wondering—and this is totally random—are they contacts?” William asked. </p>
<p>Terzo frowned at William, confused. </p>
<p>“I mean your eyes. They’re different colors, so I wondered if they were contact lenses.”</p>
<p>“Oh! No, they’re just like that,” said Terzo.    </p>
<p>William shook his head slowly. “Fascinating…” </p>
<p>The thunder had subsided now, and the rain was just a quiet tapping on the window. The clock read 3:33 AM. Terzo smiled in amusement at the lucky number. “I guess we should probably try to get back to sleep…” </p>
<p>“You’re right. Well, you can keep Bill for tonight if you’d like. I think he likes you,” William said with a grin. </p>
<p>“Thanks,” Terzo said, glad the colored light masked his blush. He hugged Bill tight to his chest. </p>
<p>William went back to his own bed and climbed in, pulling the sheets over himself. “Thank fuck it’s cooler now,” he mumbled before turning back to Terzo. He smiled. “G’night man. I hope you have better dreams.” </p>
<p>Terzo smiled back. “Thanks. Goodnight.” </p>
<p>William reached up, and the fairy lights went out with a click.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Rigatoni</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After the final class of Terzo’s first day, he gets to know one of his teachers. William and Terzo have a rather goofy dinner.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one is a shorter, sillier chapter. Let’s have some fun before the heavy stuff. Huzzah for Google translate!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Thank you all for a wonderful first class, and I will see you at dinner.” He waved his hands at the door. “Be free.”</p><p>Most of the students were already halfway out the door; they’d started packing up five minutes before class was over, something Terzo had watched with apprehension, afraid Mr. Arrighi might get angry. Nevertheless, everything seemed fine by the time the clock read 3:15 PM.</p><p>It was because he’d sat still that Terzo was the last one in the classroom with Mr. Arrighi. An odd silence grew in the room as he tried to pack up his things as quickly as possible without it seeming like he was hurrying. The little bit of static in his mind didn’t help. </p><p>Mr. Arrighi smiled at Terzo and paused his own packing. After considering the boy for a moment, he asked, ”Parli italiano, vero?”</p><p>Startled, Terzo dropped his pen case and looked up at the teacher. He smiled back, nodding enthusiastically. ”Sì, certamente!”</p><p>Mr. Arrighi laughed, and continued in Terzo’s native language. <i>”Perfect. I don’t remember who it was, but someone told me you spoke Italian. I’m glad they weren’t just messing with me.”</i> </p><p>Terzo giggled. <i>”To be honest, the last person I’d expect to speak to me in Italian would be my </i>English<i> teacher.”</i></p><p>Suddenly, Terzo heard a yell and a shriek of laughter from the hallway, accompanied by running footsteps. In a matter of seconds, William and another student flew through the doorway, sliding to a halt on the tiled floor. </p><p>William threw his arms open with a wide grin. “RIGATONI!” he cried, still laughing. </p><p>It took Terzo a moment to realize that William was addressing Mr. Arrighi. He looked at his teacher with wide eyes and mouthed <i>Rigatoni?</i></p><p>Mr. Arrighi just smirked and gave a gesture that clearly said, <i>just wait.</i> He turned back to William and the other students. “Hello, hello! Good to see you all! I hope you had a nice summer.” After shooting a glance at Terzo, he continued in Italian, <i>”Personally, I quite enjoyed the break from you clowns.”</i></p><p>Terzo snorted and broke into giggles while the other students looked, bewildered, back and forth between Mr. Arrighi and Terzo. “Wait, what? What’d he say?” asked the shorter, redhead boy who had come in with William. </p><p>William just smiled and shook his head. “I have no fucking clue.” </p><p>Mr. Arrighi mocked a serious tone. “Language, William, please! <i>I do not appreciate the use of ‘fuck’ in my classroom, asshole.”</i></p><p>By now, Terzo was leaning on a desk, laughing so hard that his sides hurt. </p><p><i>”We don’t want assholes with shitty language in this fucking classroom, do we Terzo?”</i> asked Mr. Arrighi, who was struggling to maintain his own composure. </p><p>“No certo che no,” Terzo said before descending into a full laughing fit. <i>”No, of course not.”</i></p><p>“Terzo! Tell us what he’s saying,” said the redhead. </p><p>“Patience, James, patience. Just let him breathe,” said William, giggling at Terzo. </p><p>Terzo took a deep breath. “He said, ‘I do love a good dish of rigatoni,’” blurted Terzo before being consumed by laughter again. </p><p>— </p><p>
 ”We’re grateful for the sunlight<br/>
And the moonlight soon to come<br/>
We’re grateful for our food<br/>
And the people that brought it to us.”
</p><p>The chime rang and the room fell silent. The group of roughly 50 students stood, staring at their plates, closing their eyes, or glancing around awkwardly. In the silence, Terzo looked up at William, who was already looking back from across the table. The two smirked at each other and started shaking with silent giggles. Terzo squeezed his eyes shut to try and keep himself from bursting with laughter. </p><p>When the chime rang again and the students clamored into their seats, William and Terzo let go and descended into tears of laughter. When other students looked their way, they quieted down, but Terzo’s sides only hurt more when he tried to hold it back. </p><p>Mr. Arrighi, who sat a few seats down from William, smiled when he saw the boys’ delight. He looked back at the plate in front of him, stabbed the food with his fork, and enjoyed his rigatoni meal.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Rigatoni is not, in fact, a Copia reference… So sorry to disappoint. Also, if anyone speaks Italian and notices a mistake, please tell me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Not All Of Them</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fast forward a bit---it’s mid-October. Terzo and William are in group counseling when the discussion gets a little heated. Terzo receives some mail.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The students mumbled among themselves. It was almost winter, and by now it was clear to Terzo who was friends with whom and which groups were more approachable than others. He felt lucky to have become good friends with William so fast; otherwise, he was sure the loneliness would drive him insane. </p>
<p>He caught William’s eye from across the circle as the other boy talked to someone next to him. William smirked at Terzo for a second before turning back to his conversation. Terzo smiled to himself. </p>
<p>“I guess we can get started now,” said Mr. Nowell, who was leading this week’s group meeting. “The theme of this week is spirituality.” </p>
<p>A collective groan came from the gathered students. Terzo looked around, confused. He didn’t see a problem with the theme. </p>
<p>Mr. Nowell chuckled. “Wow, tough crowd. I know it’s a tough subject for many of you—”</p>
<p>“Yeah, really,” grumbled William, rolling his eyes. Terzo frowned.</p>
<p>“—but not only is it a traditional group subject at Wyatt, it’s also something I think is important to talk about. No matter what your opinions or feelings on spirituality are, it remains a fact that there are people for whom their faith is very important to them, and you need to be ready to work with those people.”</p>
<p>Terzo only noticed how far down in his chair he’d slid when his neck began to ache. He sat up, feeling more uncomfortable by the second. This conversation wasn’t going to go well. </p>
<p>“Now I’d like to start with a question, and anyone can feel free to answer and kick off the discussion. What do you think motivates people to believe in a higher power?”</p>
<p>Terzo couldn’t help but grimace. He hated the term <i>higher power.</i> Something about it didn’t sit right with him. </p>
<p>He sat silently as other students shared their answers. “They want to feel better than other people;” “they need to justify their bigotry;” “they’re clinging to tradition;” “they’re brainwashed.” Every statement was met with a chorus of “yeah!” and “true…” Terzo gripped the seat of his chair with tight fists. It seemed the consensus was that any form of spiritual faith was… evil.</p>
<p>Terzo shivered. <i>Evil.</i> He’d definitely heard that word before. </p>
<p>Finally there was a lull in the discussion. “Anyone else?” asked Mr. Nowell. Terzo couldn’t tell for certain—he was staring wide-eyed at the floor, head filled with static—but he felt Mr. Nowell’s eyes on him. </p>
<p>“Okay, moving on then—”</p>
<p>“I don’t think it’s all of them.” </p>
<p>Terzo sucked in a breath. He hadn’t meant to blurt the statement, but it was out there now. </p>
<p>“All of…?” a student asked, obviously deeply skeptical. </p>
<p>“All religions. Or faiths. Or whatever. I don’t think they’re <i>all</i> bad,” Terzo said, still looking at the ground. “In fact,” he said, trying to suppress the growing static, “I think a lot of them can be a good thing.” </p>
<p>The students grumbled, muttering “what do you mean” and “really?”</p>
<p>A particularly loud scoff caught Terzo’s attention. He looked up. William was sitting with folded arms, frowning at him. “You honestly believe religion can be a good thing?” William cocked his head. “Give me one example of how it can be in <i>any way</i> helpful. And,” he said, holding up a hand, “don’t say anything about charity. It’s all bullshit.” </p>
<p>Terzo was visibly shaking by now, but no one seemed to notice. “Well, some faiths offer…” he tilted his head back at William. “Some offer freedom in ways that others don’t.”</p>
<p>There were some coughs, some laughs, and some exasperated sighs. Terzo sighed. “Never mind…” he said. “I just… yeah. Never mind.” </p>
<p>Mr. Nowell looked sympathetically at Terzo before reading the next question. Terzo wasn’t even listening. He stared silently at the floor for the rest of the meeting. </p>
<p>— </p>
<p>“Are you okay?”</p>
<p>They were the first words William spoke to Terzo since he’d come into the dorm half an hour before. He had walked in to find Terzo curled up on his bed, eyes half open, looking at the wall. The boys hadn’t said anything to each other. </p>
<p>Terzo let out a deep sigh and adjusted himself until he was lying on his stomach, arms under his head on the pillow. “I will be, eventually,” he mumbled. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry about earlier.”</p>
<p>Terzo finally looked at William. He was sitting on his bed, holding an envelope in his hands. He glanced down at it before reaching over and setting on his desk. He took a deep breath and looked directly into Terzo’s eyes. </p>
<p>“I have a bad relationship with anything even tangentially related to religion. When I said my parents kicked me out… They did it because their religion told them to.” William tilted his head and looked away. “That being said, I still shouldn’t have been so… confrontational about what you said. I’m sorry,” he repeated, looking back at Terzo. </p>
<p>“It’s okay,” replied Terzo. </p>
<p>“No—I mean thank you, but it’s not okay,” said William. “You were clearly uncomfortable, and it was brave of you to say anything at all, but I still snapped at you.”</p>
<p>“Oh” was all that Terzo could say as he pushed himself into a sitting position. The two boys now sat facing each other on their respective beds. Terzo blinked. “I guess… I accept your apology,” he said with a small laugh. It felt so awkward to say. </p>
<p>William laughed a little too. “I’m glad,” he said. ”Oh!” He grabbed the envelope on the desk and held it out to Terzo. “Since you weren’t at dinner, I stopped by the mailboxes on the way back. This was in yours. Much as I’m curious, I didn’t look at it,” William said with a grin. </p>
<p>Terzo took the paper with a small “Thanks” and looked at the envelope. After inspecting it for a moment, he let out a small scoff. </p>
<p>“What?” asked William, leaning forward and looking back and forth between Terzo and the envelope. </p>
<p>“Just my brothers. They’re funny,” said Terzo. “This is from Primo and Secondo, except they—for some reason—refuse to write their actual names in the return address.” He held it up to show William. Instead of names in the upper left corner, there was a little grucifix and an elegant roman numeral II. </p>
<p>“We get it, Primo, you’re the head of the church now…” grumbled Terzo while opening the envelope. William frowned but decided to leave his questions for later. </p>
<p>Terzo pulled out a folded piece of paper with two paragraphs of writing on it, each in its own handwriting. Terzo read the first one silently, smiling. </p>
<p>
  <i>Dear <s>Terza</s> Terzo,<br/>
(Apologies for the mistake.) I hope you are well. Your brother told me, after your last phone call, that you have adjusted well to the new school. I am glad. I hope you have made many friends and are excelling in your classes. I trust that you will write or call back. Terzo, remember to keep hope with you. You are a good kid. Satan smiles on you.<br/>
I hope to hear from you soon.<br/>
Stay well,<br/>
Primo</i>
</p>
<p>Terzo was grinning so wide it hurt his cheeks. “Primo… Thank you,” he muttered, closing his eyes for a moment. William cocked his head inquisitively.</p>
<p>Terzo opened his eyes and read the second paragraph. </p>
<p>
  <i>Fratello—<br/>
I’m glad we were able to talk on the phone a while ago. I wanted to write not only to express my continued support of you and your recovery, but also to let you know I have sent some presents. They should arrive soon after this letter. I hope you enjoy them. You are in our thoughts.<br/>
Sincerely,<br/>
Secondo</i>
</p>
<p>“What’d they say?” William finally blurted. </p>
<p>“Oh, just nice things, y’know. And apparently there are some presents on the way,” replied Terzo, folding the letter back into its envelope and tucking it into a drawer in his desk. He felt butterflies in his stomach, although he couldn’t place why. Knowing Secondo, it couldn’t be anything dangerous or bad, but… </p>
<p>Terzo shook his head. It would be fine.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This one was a little tough to write, but I hope you enjoyed anyway!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Cosplayers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some mysterious people show up on campus just after exams.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The dining hall was alive with chatter and laughter. Some students sat around the fireplace at the front, pretending it was a campfire, while others played games or hung out at the tables. A seemingly endless spread of cookies stretched from one end of the hall to the other. </p><p>At one table, Terzo sat next to a stack of six cookies, bent over a piece of paper. He was so focused that he didn’t notice William walk over and sit down across from him. William simply looked over at Terzo’s paper and then at the cookies. He smirked. With a quick dart of his hand, he grabbed two cookies and shoved one in his mouth. </p><p>“Hey!” Terzo exclaimed, before realizing who had stolen the cookie. He sighed with relief and smiled. “You scared me.”</p><p><i>”Six?”</i> William asked incredulously through a mouthful of cookie. </p><p>Terzo just shrugged. </p><p>William waved the other cookie in his hand. “Oh my God, I am so glad that exam is over.” He leaned back in his chair. “It took me three fucking hours. <i>Three hours</i> of that shit, Terry!”</p><p>Terzo snorted and choked on his own cookie. “Terry?!”</p><p>William grinned. “I don’t know; I’m just playing. That’s a good drawing,” he said, gesturing to Terzo’s paper. “Oh also, there were some weird people outside speaking Italian when I walked over. They were like, goth or cosplayers or something. Like you,” he giggled. </p><p>Rolling his eyes and focusing on his drawing again, Terzo grumbled, “Yeah, and one of them was wearing face paint like a skull.” </p><p>“Yeah! How’d you know?”</p><p>Terzo’s head snapped up. He felt the color drain from his face and static sweep into his thoughts. “Wait. One of them was wearing <i>skull face paint?</i> You’re kidding, right?” </p><p>“No! Seriously.”</p><p>Terzo laughed nervously and sprung out of his chair. “I’m sorry, I need to see this.” </p><p>“Let me come too,” William said, also jumping up, but Terzo was already jogging out of the dining hall. </p><p>When William caught up to Terzo, he found him standing just outside the doors to the dining hall, staring with wide eyes across the quad. He came up beside Terzo and squinted, looking in the same direction. </p><p>“Oh, great, now he’s got a miter or something. Who the fuck is that guy?” </p><p>“My brother,” Terzo whispered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Super short chapter for pacing reasons! Next one should be up shortly if all goes according to plan.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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